Dreaming of old and new friends

I always dream of past friends I've had. Mostly the ones that I've severed ties with unamicably. There was the tie that was broken because of a boy, the tie that was broken because they were upset and never explained why, the ties that were broken because of an argument or hurt feelings, and the many ties that were just severed with time and growth.

For some reason, I have a strong place in my heart and mind for all these past friends. I've been told that it's because of my "abandonment issues" that makes these broken ties so significant to me. After all, everyone has had friends come in and out of their lives and are not haunted by them.

Last night it was a combination of friends. There was Cutie Pie (he's the one I had a make-out fling with during the time my best friend was madly in love with him in my high school years), there was Claire (my 12-year old best friend), Rose and Richie (high school friends), Margaret, Nicky (a HS friend who everyone was sure was gay but not sure if he ever came out of the closet) Diana (my high maintenance friend who still has a special place in my heart), Teresa (really Diana's friend but still today we sort of keep in touch -- she prefers to keep it to email and never calls when she says she's going to), Marilyn (my current friend who I talk to and see on occasion), and others were there, I'm sure.

We were all at a swimming pool. The scene was somehow changing... I had either run into all these people while on an island vacation or we were all in a high school swimming pool. (Really, I was on the swim team for about a minute.) We were racing. There were some professional swimmers there (not former friends of mine) that were really fast and I wanted to be fast like them. Every time I wanted to get into the water, I would get interrupted. Cutie Pie would flirt with me and ask me to have another quick fling for old times sake; Margaret would ask me to take a walk with her to have a cigarette; Marilyn would stop and have a quick sensible conversation. Diana and Teresa were there but not in the pool. Diana and I went to Nicky's house where his Gilbert-Grape-type mother was sleeping in the kitchen behind her clutter of knick-knacks.

Anyway, this dream was just full of all these people and so much going on that it's hard to really describe it. These former friends haunt me constantly, usually in separate dreams. Maybe someday there will be a single event that will happen to where I no longer am haunted by these dreams, and they simply become fond (and not so fond) distant memories. But I always find myself wondering what they're all doing now...