"... you just need to do it"

"If you find that thing you love, it doesn't necessarily matter whether you do it well or not -- you just need to do it." - Stanley Tucci

This paper bookmark came in my junk mail one day, requesting me to subscribe to "Positive Thinking" magazine. I didn't subscribe, but I do have this bookmark on my fridge. To me, it is the most profound thing I've ever heard.

Looking back on my childhood, I felt as if I was a bird who was never taught how to fly. There was never that little nudge of encouragement to take a chance and try to fly high. I was told I was an "average" kid who should just be a secretary like my aunt. Doctors, lawyers and successful people existed, but they were practically superheroes who might as well have come from another planet. Not that my family is lazy or trashy, they were just content being blue-collared, low-educated and middle class. I know my family loved me but they were just so afraid to leave their comfort zone.

I wanted to soar. I loved adventure, loved trying new things and loved playing street games with the boys. Growing up in Brooklyn, NY in the 1970's we played punch ball, stoop ball, running bases, touch football from manhole cover to manhole cover, and any other games that involved a Spalding and/or running for our lives.

However, I had this horrible fear of being lost or that someone would just leave me somewhere and forget where I was and never find me. I was considered the "weak" one in the group and was always the one the kids made fun of, until I was about 14 and found some better friends.

So, today, I'm still trying to find middle ground between that scared little girl and the one who wants to just run. My perfect answer:

TENNIS!

What could be better? I'm fast, have great hand-eye coordination, and love a little competition. I just need to practice and learn how to be a winner. As a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom), I've learned that success and happiness comes in many different forms. But I still felt I needed to have that certain something of my own, that I loved. Before I quit my job, it was work. The reward is so much easier to see there, rather than taking care of the house and raising a child. TENNIS has helped me keep my sanity, work towards something, and feel good about myself.

Stanley Tucci may not be a great philosopher or poet, but his words have helped me answer a question I've been asking my entire life.