The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Rule of the First Trimester

We have so many unwritten rules in our society and various cultures. I am someone who frequently goes along with tradition and these "rules" but sometimes I question or challenge them -- I mean, who doesn't? And why not?

For example, I went against the rule that you must wear your Engagement-Ring-and-Wedding-Band-on-the-Same-Finger Rule and wore one ring on each ring finger. Some people were like, "Why would you do that?!" Umm, "Because I want to" was a sufficient answer for me. I also go against the Dont-Eat-Meat-on-Fridays-During-Lent Rule of the Catholic religion. And there are these weird Catholics (who only on occasion go to church) but for some reason eating meat is a cardinal sin in their books. I guess we all have our own rule books.

Just recently, I thought I learned the hard way that I should not have gone against the rule of Dont-Ask-Dont-Tell-About-Your-Pregnancy-in-the-First-Trimester. I told everyone just after I took a home pregnancy test. I was happy for crying out loud!! And I thought that since I had a successful pregnancy the first time, there would be no problems this time. I was wrong, and sadly, I miscarried.

The first thing I thought was that I would never tell anyone before 12 weeks again. How stupid could I have been? Now I have to go back and tell the world that I lost my pregnancy. So, the next day, I woke up and sent out emails and called people and cried a little.

Now, two days later, I've realized that there's this secret world of lost pregnancies and of women who cry alone... or just with their husbands. I've heard more about miscarriages and bad outcomes from friends and family I didn't even know about. To be honest, I feel better. I feel more supported. And I feel blessed because my situation isn't as bad as some of the other stories I've heard.

So today, I'm changing my position... slightly. While I'm not going to holler from the rooftops like I did with this pregnancy, next time, I'm going to tell a more selected group. I'm still going to tell the friends and family who I feel a connection to, who have shared their stories, who I have something in common with. People don't get closer, more intimate with each other unless we share our difficult times, our experiences that leave us a little more vulnerable.

I initially created this blog because I felt I didn't have an outlet to tell people how I really felt -- why not? Because in some way, I didn't want to get let down, get hurt, get rejected. But the more I open up and say what my heart feels I find the more others will reciprocate. I'm learning that it's the only way to build real relationships.