Birthday Thoughts

Today is my 35th birthday. Wow, that number sounds old to me, although I really don't feel old. I'll be 40 in 5 short years! Although, these days I know 35 really isn't THAT old, but ever since my daughter was born, I'm feeling a sense of my own mortality. I'm afraid that crap I've been eating is going to cause me to have a heart attack, that I'm going to get cervical cancer, or that I'll have some rare disease and die a painful death. I wouldn't say I'm a hypochondriac, but there's probably a phobia for having a "fear of death." It actually keeps me awake at night sometimes, thinking about what it will feel like to die, what I'll be missing in my daughter's life, how my husband will react and move on. Ho hum.

Anyway, I don't want to bring you down too low or anything! I woke up bright and early this morning, showered with makeup and hair done all before I woke Ladybug for school. In some ways I'm looking forward to this day. Friends and family calling to wish me a Happy Birthday, going to a special dinner tonight with my husband and Ladybug...

I saw one of my cousins last night who is turning 30 this year, and who just got back from a fabulous vacation in Greece with her college friends. She's doing well in her career, and we have a lot in common in that department -- drive, dedication, pride in our work. And she said to me, "I would be very happy to have my life where yours is at 35. Your career is said and done, you're married, you have a house and a child. I hope I'm where you are by then." That was a very big compliment to me.

And I do look pretty damn good for my age!
(even though saying that is some sort of back-handed compliment in my opinion but I'll take it)