Dreaming of Kim

I don't have a recurring dream, I have a recurring person in my dream. I don't know why my psyche is constantly reminded and haunted by her. I mean, of course I know how our friendship started and finished, and I accredit her to saving my preteen life.

As a preteen, I was super-skinny and lanky with braces. In prior years, I became the butt of the jokes for the kids on my block. Kids can sense a weak, uncertain and unconfident kid. The bullies push them around because they know they won't push back. I was the one they all made fun of, and sometimes then, the others would join in and it became a game. I think they knew I would do anything and take everything just to hang out with them. In school, I always had just a few friends, and always clung to a best friend. (You'll hear more about my best friends throughout this blog, as they all played an important role in my history.) At twelve years old, Kim befriended me and the heavens opened up.

Kim was the smartest in the class. Not the prettiest, but her friendly and quietly confident disposition was a magnet for teachers and students alike. Everyone always knew she would get a perfect score on her exam, no matter the subject. I was awed because I held her so high and she was always so cordial, even to me, the Invisible One.

In the seventh grade, we were assigned a project to complete in teams. The teacher teamed me up with a great group: Nicole, Colleen, myself and KIM. I was amazed and astounded. I had won the lottery. Kim, of course, took the lead in the project and immediately invited us all REGULARLY over to work on it!! I still remember the first day I walked to her house. I was excited and scared and honored.

I don't remember what the project was or the grade we got (I'm sure it had to be an "A" with Kim on our team), but that's when the friendship began. Kim didn't become my Best Friend, but she was my favorite friend. She lived on a block with such nice kids, mostly our age, not like the rugrats that lived on my block. I became a person in that circle who was valued, who fit in, who mattered. I was no longer the skinny kid that everyone made fun of. Because of Kim, I was part of a circle, Kim's Circle.

I've Googled her name before (a very uncommon Italian name) and I discovered that she's married with at least one child, and still lives in the NYC area. In my dream, I was in her giant backyard, watching her family swim in her inground pool. I just remember thinking, "Wow, I finally found her... and of course, she's successful with a big house."

I wonder what she's really doing, how she is and if she ever thinks about me.