Mourning a Loss

I still felt something going on between my bff and me. Something is not right and there's a certain distance that I can't bear anymore. So this morning I sent her this poem I quickly wrote:

Mourning a Loss

I couldn’t fall asleep last night
After I was interrupted by a pitter of little feet approaching
And then the sound of snoring softly next to me
My love

Then I couldn’t shake
The dream that was interrupted
Where I was with you and your family
In the big red living room
Sipping tea

I’ve mourned a lot in my lifetime
And now I know what it is when I’m going through it
The five stages
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

The grieving is for the loss of you
Somewhere along the way
Maybe I’ve said confessed too much
And scared you away

As I bargain with you here I say
I’m sorry and whatever I’ve done I can fix
Can’t I?
I’m sorry I am no longer a part of your world
Like I used to be when you were hundreds of miles away

If you are my sister
Than we can have a bump in the road
Go back, dig it up
And then pave it smooth
In this case I hope that water is thicker than blood

I feel like we are in two different worlds
Although I might be without food, water or sunlight
I’m never without hope
But I think you just want me to get on that spaceship
And fly away

I’m sorry if I’ve said things to make you run
I’m sorry if I’ve done things to bring us further apart
To downgrade our talks to the weather
And not about every detail of our lives

There are so many times I feel the distance
It weakens me, it overcomes me, it hurts
The disappointment only gets worse
And now I expect it

Maybe I’m still in denial
And all good things come to an end
Sometimes these stages intertwine
And only time can pull me out

So today I want no promises
No denial
I don’t want to see any defenses
No gloves up, no boxing match
I just want to pave the road
And see where it leads